I mean guess that I offended the godsThe way I struggle just to break even and beat all the odds

Superstitions really stitching together inclimate weather causing lapses in my mental spaces taking me to darker places filled with even darker faces facing the reality of the situation at hand; nobody owes you shit til you’ve got it hand in case you don’t understand I met this scammer so well-mannered managed to fall for a scandal scandalous how it was handled I deserved better than an obituary a shitty poem and a basic letter I came from your seed man you really couldn’t do no better?
I guess you couldn’t help it then but what about the time before did you even fight when mama walked up out the door you didn’t even try to call when I couldn’t see you no more and now I’m jealous of my sisters cause I was your son before now I’m getting calls from family I’ve never known or got to see trying to make up for all the time that you’d forgotten me possibly trying to use me for a ticket to easy street after you done defeated me all those years you weren’t feeding me might as well not exist to me but papa please know that I still love you in a special place when I was 10 found out you passed I could hardly breath that day I didn’t want to be that way, I couldn’t bear to see your face so I grabbed your obituary and stowed it away while I was coming of age up in the hood outlook on life was never good tried to end it all several times but I fought cause I could
That’s what you taught me that’s all you taught me all I wanted was to be treated like your other offspring. You made me a stereotype and now every time that I write this angers boiling inside and no one pays it no mind but I’m barely even alright. But that’s alright… cause I can fight i can overcome the misery of this unwanted life
I just feel so delusional, spending my whole life hoping one day I could do enough to make you smile from up above maybe I didn’t love hard enough, Prayers didn’t go far enough, understanding the underhanded way you abandoned me I guess family matters but what matters to family everybody wanna profit a gift given to me pay this bill, we need meals, big brother what you get for me, I finally see why evil seeds grow money trees. All this cause you left me, I left but you ain’t help me so much of it unhealthy my brain will not recover from the shreds that i was left with, feeling helpless skitzophrenic with no faith to tell them 
and maybe I wouldn’t have told you 

but I’d be more comfortable if at least I knew
I guess the moral of the story is regardless of your choices I reached the top and finally taught myself to block out all the voices or channel it into noises that can guide some little boys who never had a daddy simple potion but it’s poison it’s too easy to succumb to the weight of the world when you feel like an orphan order is restoring to the hearts of all the broken I really wish you hadn’t left me so open